


Bad Seeds

by evenstar8705



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Female Homosexuality, Female Relationships, Multi, Occupation of Bajor, Pre-Canon, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-07 19:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstar8705/pseuds/evenstar8705
Summary: Takes place after events of "Wrongs Darker than Death or Night" in season 6 but within the Pre-Canon Timeline. Kira Meru struggles to accept Dukat and stretches on through her life on Terok Nor. She finds friendship and love where she least expected it.





	1. Chapter 1

Kira Meru realized she was alone again on Terok Nor. Alone with Dukat being the only person to keep her company. He wasn’t unpleasant. She hadn’t lied to Luma about that. He had been more than kind to her when he had every right to do whatever he pleased to her. He hadn’t pushed himself despite the fact she had been living in his quarters for months now. She had a separate bedroom that she kept closed and locked. Dukat had never stepped foot within it but he left his bedroom door wide open every night as an open invitation. He would kiss her and hold her when she allowed it but he had done nothing bolder than that. 

She was starting to think maybe his treatment of her wasn’t just an act as Luma Rahl had insisted. Maybe he was exactly what he said he was: A sentimental Cardassian that believed deeply in the concept of love and mutual respect for a partner. He had an interest in art, something considered a waste in Cardassian society, and he would even ask her questions about her faith when he caught her constructing a personal shrine. He hinted that meditation might even be a good thing to teach Cardassian soldiers to help them relax. 

Meru was even starting to convince herself that perhaps the Prophets wanted her to help convert Dukat. It seemed like a crazy idea at first, but the fact that he showed the slightest interest in her religion gave her hope. Imagine the change that might come over the Prefect of Bajor if he believed in and served the Prophets! She might win his love, then his soul, and then she might save the people of Bajor by simply showing love and affection to a complicated and misunderstood reptilian man. She could sense there were seeds of a good man in him. She needed to believe it, especially whenever he put his hands on her.

“You look gloomy today,” Dukat observed over their breakfast that morning. “Or is it perhaps that the replicator broke down again? The standards on this station are not as high as I would like them to be.”

“I was just wondering what happened to Luma.”

“Again? Well, I told you she seems to have vanished. The bomb went off without injuring anyone. If she had died in the blast, we would have found some trace. She was not seen in the ore processing station or the mines. Not even my informers could tell me where she might have gone. The one undercover Resistance agent we ferreted out insisted he had never heard of a woman named Luma Rahl before.”

“You didn’t torture him, did you?”

“Not I.”

That wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but she knew better than to pry. Just because he didn’t personally torture the poor man didn’t mean he hadn’t signed the order to have it done. She suppressed a chill.

“Did the two of you really become so close so fast?”

“She was better than most friends I have had. She defended me and my family in the refugee camp, Dukat. She stuck close by me when we were taken away. She was even willing to forgive me for even considering, uh, being with you. She saved both our lives from that assassination attempt. I didn’t think the Resistance had a presence on this station or that they would kill civilians.”

“I didn’t suspect it either, Meru, but the Resistance has never balked at killing their own kind. I’m afraid most of them see comfort women that aren’t openly resisting their Cardassian mates as Collaborators and no better than the enemy.”

“And as your woman, I am seen as nothing better than a pampered whore.”

“Don’t say that, Meru! It’s not true!”

“I know.”

“I don’t see why you were willing to forgive Luma for the things she said to you in the first place. How did she know about the bomb anyway?”

“None of that matters anymore. I liked her because there was also something about her that seemed so familiar.”

“Whenever she stood beside you, I must admit, she looked as though she was your sister,” Dukat mused. “A much angrier and hostile sister.”

“She did have nose ridges that were eerily similar to mine. It’s possible that she was a long lost relative.”

“I’m sorry, but I know very little about Bajoran ridges. Explain this concept to me please.”

“Family clans share similar nose ridges,” Meru happily explained. “Luma looked very much like my grandmother Kira Inanna.”

“Your grandmother on the male side?”

“No, my maternal grandmother.”

“Does that mean that your husband took your surname? Is that a common practice on Bajor?”

“No, but he was glad to do it. Do you understand the D’jarra?”

“All I know is that it was a strict caste system your temples enforced before the Occupation began.”

“It’s nearly a dead concept now. The Kira line is one of the oldest and most prestigious among my caste, the Ih’valla. It’s been shrinking terribly over the last few generations. We were of the caste of artists which wasn’t the highest in society, but it was considered very important and respectable. There were no male heirs left and Taban’s clan had plenty and was not as famous as ours.”

“Are you saying that you married beneath you?” Dukat was puzzled. “No Cardassian woman would ever do such a thing.”

“Not really. It was my great aunt that did that. She fell in love with a man from the Mi'tino caste. They were considered low ranking merchants and farmers. She didn’t care that she was disowned. She left home and never returned. Maybe Luma was a direct descendant of my great aunt?”

“A very intriguing theory, my love.”

He was gazing at her dotingly. She still couldn’t decide if she found those gazes creepy or heart racing. 

“I’ll find another Bajoran woman to be your companion,” he patted her hand.

“Dukat, you can’t just ‘find’ a woman to be my friend. That just seems wrong.”

“You know, Meru, you can call me Skrain.”

“Why?”

“It’s my name.”

She looked at him with wonder. He thought her expression was adorable and kissed her parted lips. She never thought a Cardassian’s gray lips could be so soft and sensual. 

“I’ll see you again later tonight,” he promised.

“Yes, Skrain,” she gave his name a try.

Using his first name obviously pleased Dukat. He kissed her again with more enthusiasm this time.


	2. Chapter 2

When Dukat returned later that night, Meru was taking a bath. Dukat looked at the logs on the replicator and noticed that she had eaten nothing all day. She had also been soaking in the tub a long time. He was growing terribly concerned. One of the first Bajoran girls he invited into his quarters had been obviously terrified no matter how he behaved. He was forced to leave her to attend to some sort of trouble on the station. He shouldn’t have left her alone. The woman hanged herself with the shower curtain while he was gone. Meru hadn’t shown suicidal signs, but he hated himself for that girl’s death.

He burst into the bathroom and found Kira Meru completely submerged under the water. For a moment, he feared she was drowning, but she heard his approach and sprang up into a fetal position and hugged herself to hide her nakedness. She huffed and puffed a little, her strawberry blonde hair tangled in wet locks around her face. Her skin was pruned but a healthy pallor. The water contained no blood. Thankfully, she was fine and he realized he had overreacted and breached her privacy.

“I’m sorry, Meru,” he apologized, breathing heavy with relief. “I was worried about you. I came in here to find you under the water like that. I feared the worst. Forgive me. I’ll leave you to finish your bath.”

She said nothing but he heard the water draining a few minutes later. She changed into a night gown and instead of retreating to her bedroom as she usually did at this hour, she sat in a chair across from Dukat in the living area. Her hair was still damp, making it appear redder than its usual hue. He had taken a quick sonic shower and was wearing a dark shirt and trousers. He was toying with the pieces of a Cardassian board game.

“I want a rematch from last night’s game,” she picked up a piece herself.

“You were awful close to gaining a victory the last time. Are you sure you’ve never played before?”

“Skrain, I’ve never spoken more than a few words to a Cardassian before. How could I have possibly learned? I enjoyed puzzles, board games, and card games when I was a child. In a way, I’ve had practice through osmosis.”

“There’s more to it than that!” he said once she outplayed him that round. “Would you like something sweetened with kava as a reward? I’ll replicate whatever strikes your fancy.”

“No thank you.”

“Meru, are you trying to starve yourself?”

“No, I just don’t have an appetite.”

“Is something wrong? Are you angry I violated your privacy?”

“No. I saw the concern in your eyes. I have just been thinking too much about the past.”

“Ah,” he understood now. “It’s not just Luma you miss, is it?”

“No,” she whispered.

She didn’t want to tell him that her breasts were aching terribly. Pohl hadn’t been weaned properly when she was taken and she had no baby to suckle. She feared his health would be negatively affected the rest of his days. She prayed there were nursing mothers wherever her family was being kept willing to nurse other babies. Her milk had mostly gone dry now, but it was as though her body remembered. She still occasionally lactated small amounts. She had her three children fairly close together and had nursed each of them never stopping until she was forced to do so now. It would take some time until she completely stopped.

It was a sharp and painful reminder of what she had lost. She felt guilty putting food to her mouth when she knew Nerys and Reon had not even seen fresh food in their short lifetimes. She couldn’t tell Dukat she had touched herself in the tub and longed for the touch of her husband Taban. He had loved taking long luxurious baths with her, his fingers tracing every line and curve of her body as she lay in his arms and between his calves.

A tear streamed down her cheek. In the dim light, the Cardassian’s eyes saw it and Dukat frowned with slight exasperation. 

“You miss your family,” he said aloud. “I know.”

“I want to see them again, Skrain!” she sobbed.

“You know that’s not possible.”

“My children are too young to be without me! My husband is an artist, not a manual laborer! He’ll struggle to find work-“

“Meru,” he took her hands in his, “I promised you that your family will be taken care of.”

“I believe you, but maybe I could exchange letters or something!”

He shook his head and she tried not to let that infuriate her. She began to cry uncontrollably instead.

“Maybe someone could watch over them for me. Would it be possible for you to assign a soldier to guard them or give extra rations to another Bajoran? Fala! He’s a monk and a friend of the family! Could we use him to watch my babies grow up from afar?” Meru grasped at straws desperately.

“That would be a terrible breach of the rules,” Dukat said sternly. “And I wish you hadn’t told me the man was a priest. I’m technically supposed to execute practicing priests.”

“He doesn’t practice it openly anymore!” she reassured him.

“I would hope not for his own sake.”

“No one would ever need to know! If I just knew they were safe and healthy, I could live with myself, Skrain! At the moment, I feel half dead! Please! I will do anything!”

To prove her point, she kissed him fervently. Dukat wasn’t expecting it. His eyes widened in surprise and then closed as he groaned. His nails scraped the skin of her arms. Her lips traveled down his lips to his neck ridges and he let out a shaky breath. She had never kissed him anywhere but his lips. He was actually trembling! That gave Meru a thrill in spite of herself. 

Dukat began to stroke her hair and face with such tenderness. She began to wonder if this horrible Occupation wasn’t going on and the Cardassians had arrived to Bajor in peace as they promised, things might have been different. Relations between Bajoran women and Cardassian men could be very pleasant. If she had been courted by Dukat and Taban at the same time, she might have been incredibly hard pressed to choose. She had a feeling she would still choose Taban because he seemed to be perfect father material. She had never wanted anything in her life more than to be a mother and raise as many children as she could with a loving father at her side.

Well, this was her lot. Whether she could love Dukat as she had Taban was not the question being put to her now. As she had told Luma, what exactly was she supposed to do? Scream and kick and bite every time the Cardassian approached her? That would mean he would throw her into the mines where she’d get much worse. She’d be dead within days and her family punished. It was what the trainers had threatened the first day. She might as well charm him and increase the chances of her children. It was her duty as a wife and mother. She was always a good wife and mother. She wouldn’t fail them now.

Meru hesitated and then reluctantly reached for Dukat’s trousers. As soon as he felt her fingertips digging past the cloth, Dukat gasped, arched his back, and he seized her hands. Meru glanced up at him in surprise.

“Please don’t do that, Kira Meru,” he said clearly. “Don’t degrade yourself. You don’t have to use your body to persuade me to do the decent thing. I will do what you ask. I’ll find a way to recruit this Fala fellow. I’ll give him recording devices and extra rations. It’ll be a secret between the three of us.”

“You mean it?”

“I promised you I would take care of them. I want you to be happy. I will do it for you, Meru. I love you.”

She was too shocked to react for a few moments. His promise, his declaration, the fact that he could have taken full advantage of her and reneged on his word was all a lot to process. Then she began to weep with joy.

“Thank you, Skrain!”

She threw her arms around his neck and he held her for a long time with a little smile on his lips. But the next night, Kira Meru didn’t return to her bedroom. She stepped through the threshold of his bedroom. He was waiting for her. She wore only a thin ivory gown, her hair loose. He was bare-chested, his trousers all that he wore. He threw off his blankets and reached his arms out to her. She took one of his arms and crawled beside him.

He kept the lights off, fearing that Meru would be put off by his alien body. In the dark he would seem more familiar, more like her husband Taban. He realized she might need to fool herself for as long as possible.

“Skrain,” she spoke his name huskily. “Why don’t you allow others to call you by that name?”

“The name Dukat became infamous thanks to my father,” he explained. “He was accused of being a traitor. Our justice system doesn’t allow for any sort of real defense, and the Obsidian Order was behind his investigation. He didn’t stand a chance, guilty or not.”

“Do you think he was guilty?”

“I think he was too popular and charming for his own good. I share the same cursed name. It’s the reason I had to do terrible things to get my position, any position. I am under enormous pressure to keep the Bajorans and the Occupation under control and running smoothly. Bajor is my redemption, Meru. Too many men assigned to Bajor are men like me. They have something to prove or they are criminals or were considered riffraff on Cardassia Prime. It’s why they seem so cruel and especially demanding of women. Men must earn mating rights on my planet. Our women do not give their love without us jumping through many hoops and meeting impossibly high standards. Only those of the best genetic stock and the incredibly wealthy get unconditional love.”

“That’s so cold and wrong!” Meru narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t wed Taban because he was wealthy! I loved him.”

“And that’s something I envy about your people. They don’t think love is a weakness. You aren’t afraid to dream and create. You don’t scheme and back-stab as Cardassians do. I’m convinced Cardassian women are incapable of real emotional and romantic love.”

“That’s a harsh judgment! I refuse to believe it’s true!”

“In my personal experience, it is. Do you think you can love me, Meru?”

“I can try, Skrain.”

She sank with him down onto the mattress. His scent was honestly making her head spin. His voice and serpent-like gaze were enticing. Likewise, Dukat was enchanted by her sweet smell, coppery gold hair, and that smooth skin that he coveted so much on Bajoran women. 

“It’s a good thing you came to my bed tonight,” he let slip as he kissed her. “I was almost ready to crawl my way into yours soon, unable to stop myself.”

She was slightly alarmed by what he said. She was certain he would never force himself on her. What he said was supposed to be sweet, she guessed, but it was unnerving. She almost slipped from his arms, but it was too late. He tightened his grip as though he sensed her doubt. He squeezed her breasts and she whimpered. She hoped there would be no leakage. Thankfully, there wasn’t, but she was aroused. 

I must keep Skrain Dukat very happy, she told herself. For my husband and children. Prophets forgive me for this if I actually do enjoy this. Taban has said he will forgive everything. I’m not so sure about them or about myself.


	3. Chapter 3

When morning came, Dukat somehow managed to wake cheerful and refreshed without getting even a full hour of sleep. Meru had been pleasantly surprised that he had been a gentle lover. He proved insatiable, however. Once he was convinced she was giving herself willingly, it seemed he would never stop. She had experienced more pleasure than she would have ever thought possible, more than Taban had ever given her. She woke exhausted with a little blood between her thighs and dry spots of it on the bed sheet.

She panicked a little when she saw the blood. It wasn’t her time of the month for this! She had never bled after love making not even her very first time. Dukat seemed unsurprised and was calm and collected about the whole affair which helped enormously to calm her nerves. He caressed her thighs as he scheduled an appointment in the medical office for her.

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

“No.”

“I’m sure everything is fine, my love. You should get some rest after the doctor examines you.”

“What about you?”

“I’m a soldier. We learn to sleep when we are dead.”

“Don’t say something like that please.”

“Oh, you don’t like imagining me dead? I’m touched!”

“You’re right. I don’t like imagining that scenario, especially not after your performance last night.”

That made him chuckle, “I’ve had my medical examination for the year already. I’m healthy as a riding hound.”

A maid, little more than a little Bajoran girl, entered after he left to dispose of and replace the sheets. She asked no questions and cast no suspicious glances to Meru’s relief. She had a little trouble standing and felt some pain now that she was waking. She decided not to take anything without the doctor’s permission first. 

She didn’t have to wait long in the medical offices. She was surprised when a Cardassian walked into the room to collect her. Cardassians were an all too common sight, but the difference was that this one was female! Cardassian women rarely left Cardassia Prime. She was nearly as bulky as one of her men but wore a lab coat rather than the typical dark armor of every other alien on the station. Her hair was white, betraying that she was approaching her twilight years, but her gray eyes were young and gentle. Cardassian women didn’t show much sign of age or wear and tear. Her ridges weren’t as pronounced as a male’s and her hands were gloved.

“Haven’t you ever seen a female of my species before?” she snapped.

Meru shook her head and lowered her eyes, realizing she must have been staring like a rude child.

“That’s alright, dear,” the Cardassian woman smiled, softening her features dramatically. “You can call me Dr. Rica.”

“You are my doctor?”

“What’s wrong? Can’t stand Cardassians? I suppose the comfort women around here get more than they can stomach of my kind during the nights so I don’t really blame you.”

“I’m just glad you’re another woman like me,” Meru explained quickly.

That made the doctor’s expression even warmer, “Good! I’m glad that you are glad! Even if you weren’t glad, you’d have no other choice. Male Cardassians typically don’t choose the medical profession for themselves. They don’t trust a Bajoran to treat them. So here I am!”

“I see.”

“Come and let me examine you, dear.”

Meru obeyed, following her into a sterile room. She was about to strip entirely naked, but Dr. Rica stopped her.

“As long as you have a skirt on, that’s not really necessary. Unless there’s something you want me to see? Do you have concerns about other parts of your anatomy?”

“Actually, I have been lactating.”

“Do you have children?” Dr. Rica’s eyes flashed. “What have they done to them?”

“I had to leave them behind on Bajor.”

“Who do you belong to?”

“Am I allowed to tell you that?”

The doctor sounded annoyed, “I don’t care about your slave master’s privacy or feelings! My priority is for my patients, Bajoran or Cardassian! I can already make an assumption as to who it might be anyway. I know the habits of all the men of this station even if I never see them. I keep their comfort women healthy. It’s Dukat, isn’t it?”

“It is, and he is no slave master-“Meru began to get defensive.

“Whatever you say, dear,” the doctor interrupted her. “Take off all your clothes, spread your legs for me, and we’ll see just how kind he has truly been to you!”

Meru felt a stab of shame and fear. She obeyed, taking off every scrap of clothing and sitting on the examination table. The doctor’s shared gender put her more at ease. She touched her through medical gloves, making her touch impersonal. She had an air of professionalism and there seemed to be no malice in her at all. She touched Meru’s nipples very lightly.

“Have you been experiencing symptoms of mastitis? Your breasts don’t seem to be inflamed.”

“No, I just keep lactating a little now and again at random intervals.”

“Avoid stimulating them too much and avoid warm water. How long has it been since your baby suckled?”

“Almost three months.”

“Was the infant old enough to be weaned?”

“No.”

The doctor made a disgusted noise, “The soldiers that snatch comfort women know nothing about mother and child relations or they just don’t care. Brutes! They should never be allowed to take young mothers like you!”

Meru knew better than to say anything.

Dr. Rica’s gaze lowered and she gave Meru a sympathetic squeeze to her knee. Meru took the hint and spread her legs. She thanked the Prophets again that her doctor wasn’t a male. The doctor put on a mask, goggles, and she warmed the cold metal instruments needed with her breath as a courtesy. Then she dove between Meru’s legs. The Bajoran woman stared at the ceiling. She decided she hated Cardassian architecture. 

Dr. Rica touched Meru’s abdomen with one hand as she searched inside her with the other, trying to be as gentle and respectful as possible. Her patient appreciated it very much. So far, she was doing better than her Bajoran doctor had been back home before the camp. That was impressive considering this was a doctor of a completely different species. There weren’t too many terrible differences between their anatomies, she supposed.

“You are going to feel a slight pinch, dear,” the doctor warned. “Would you like to squeeze my hand?”

She reached out a palm and Meru took it. She squeezed when she felt some slight discomfort. She remembered her pelvic pain as well. She suppressed a pained noise that Dr. Rica didn’t miss. She got her sample lightning quick and then pushed Meru’s legs back together carefully. She removed the mask and goggles as she dropped the sample into a machine and data began to vomit itself all over the nearest computer screen. 

“Well, I’m impressed by Dukat’s restraint,” she said as she replaced her gloves after a thorough wash. “There is no sign of forced entry after all. Are you aware of the tiny microscopic tears throughout your entire passage?”

“What?” Meru squeaked.

“I said microscopic.”

“I guess that explains the blood.”

“How long and how often has he been inside you?”

“Last night was the first time, but he woke me several times for multiple sessions,” Meru murmured.

“That sounds more like Dukat!”

“What does that mean?” Meru snapped.

“Do you think you are his first Bajoran?”

Meru bit her lip and the doctor stroked her hair. The gesture reminded her of Luma. She heard her voice saying: I don’t have many friends.

“You probably don’t want to hear these things, but I’m a doctor. It’s my job to deliver facts and truths. Dukat has used Bajoran comfort women but never kept them. He must be fond of you. That said, tell him to take a cold shower after the first session and allow you to get more sleep!”

“What about the tearing? Will I get scars?”

“Oh. Abrasions can’t quite be helped, dear. There’s a price to be paid when it comes to cross species romance. I can give you healing ointment and numbing agents. I can’t stop the man that inflicts this. You shouldn’t scar as long as he doesn’t keep reopening the wounds the way he obviously did.”

“Doctor, I don’t understand. I felt no pain at all last night. I didn’t notice the blood until the light revealed it. I felt…” she trailed off.

“You were in too much ecstasy, you mean. I never said our men, especially one like Dukat, didn’t have their talents! Don’t be ashamed either! One thing we share with you aliens is a need and delight in sex. You will begin to adjust to your new mate in time. Unlike male organs, we women can and do adapt!”

“Is there a chance of infection or something similar?” Meru asked.

So far Dr. Rica was making her feel so much better somehow.

“UTI’s are quite common even between same species partners. Our bodies get fired up and only afterward does it realize: Oh my! I just put my bits inside someone else’s bits! Should we have done that? Now it’s time to react! Did you have many partners, dear? Dukat has had plenty so he should be more than fine.”

“Only my husband Taban,” tears threatened to burst from her eyes.

“I see,” Dr. Rica sighed. “I saw the signs that you have had several children. Am I correct?”

“Yes. I have-had-three babies!”

“Don’t correct yourself, dear. You still have three babies. Does Dukat know you have children?”

“Yes.”

“And? What? He doesn’t care?”

Meru couldn’t answer. She wanted her children with her. Taban was easier to let go of especially after last night. She hadn’t fought Dukat off like she should have. She had enjoyed it more than she cared to admit. Poor Taban would be heartbroken and feel so betrayed. She had betrayed him and their marriage vows. She began to cry again and Dr. Rica handed her a tissue.

“You can talk to me, dear. There’s a terrible lack of counselors for this sort of thing. We Cardassians frown upon mental healthcare. The good news is it’s very rare to pass on venereal disease between Bajorans and Cardassians. There’s only one that I know of that can be a problem. Apparently, some Resistance agents go undercover as prostitutes. They purposely catch it and use their wombs to compromise entire battalions! Bajoran women carry it and display no symptoms. It’s quite harmless to them and their men but it makes Cardassian men miserable! Ha! Serves them right, if you ask me!”

That thought managed to make Meru chuckle. She remembered the officer that had thrown himself at her the first night. If that was supposed to be an act, she wondered how he could have faked the outline of his organ grinding against her near his belt. She feared he might bend her over and have her right in front of a room full of other soldiers and comfort women. Luckily Dukat had come to her rescue. She hoped rather spitefully that particular man would catch this disease Rica spoke of.

“I’ll give you capsules to prevent UTI. There’s one more important detail that you and I must discuss,” Rica’s tone became serious.

“What is it, doctor?”

“What’s your opinion of hybrid children?”

“Mongrels!” Meru couldn’t help herself.

That caused the doctor to flinch a little but she said, “There is a small chance Dukat could get you with child. Might I suggest birth control? We have many forms of it. Some are temporary and others are permanent. You are fertile and Dukat has managed to get his wife pregnant almost every time he visits Cardassia Prime-“

“Dukat is married?” Meru roared and felt betrayed somehow. “And he has children?”

“Oh, he never told you?” Dr. Rica’s eyes flashed again. “What a shock!”

“Yes, it is! Why isn’t his wife with him instead of me? What if someone snatched his wife away from him and he was forced to raise his children alone? What if-“she had to stop herself before she got wild with rage.

“I take it you want some form of birth control?”

“Yes. Give me the option that guarantees I never have children again with the least unpleasant side effects.”

“Never? Are you sure, dear?”

“I am the wife of Kira Taban. We already have three beautiful children: Nerys, Reon, and Pohl. I may never see my family again, but they are all the family that I ever need and want. Dukat has a wife and family of his own. I’d prefer not to mingle them in some sort of perverse and unholy way. Do what you have to do, doctor. At least let me make this choice and take some control back for myself!”

“Very good, dear,” Dr. Rica looked at her with intense admiration. “Most Bajoran girls insist they won’t get pregnant or that it is against their foolish teachings to prevent any birth. I’ve seen them dump unwanted children out the airlock as soon as they are born. That is if their Cardassians don’t force them to abort it before that happens. Now lie back and relax. I’ll inform Dukat of your condition. He’ll be advised not to touch you for a good while. I don’t expect him to keep to the order, so I’ll exaggerate the time frame. This will be quite quick and painless.”

“Thank you, Dr. Rica, for everything you’ve done for me so far,” Meru said sincerely.

She lay down, feeling confident in her decision and much better than she had been in a long time. Dr. Rica stroked her cheek and smiled. Meru couldn’t help but think she looked quite pretty for a moment.

“This will not make you any less of a woman, dear,” the Cardassian whispered. “You are quite lovely. You have a good head on your shoulders too. I understand why Dukat must like you so much.”

“What exactly is your story, doctor?” Meru asked, curious. “Why are you being so kind? Especially when Dukat has told me Cardassian females are so cold.”

She laughed bitterly at that, “Perhaps the women in his life were only cold to him. There was probably good enough reason if he cared to see it! I’m your doctor, my dear, and I can’t be your friend. Inhale this gas. It will put you under.”

“Wait. Will Dukat be angry about this?”

Dr. Rica’s eyes burned, “I don’t give a damn!”

Meru breathed the gas and fell into a dreamless and painless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

“Everything checked out just fine, my love,” Dukat revealed most of the exam results to her the next evening. “I told you there was nothing to worry about.”

“Did Dr. Rica give you the instruction?” 

Meru and the doctor had agreed not to tell Dukat about the sterilization simply because there was no way to predict how he would react. Most Cardassians hated hybrids but they were equally insulted by the idea of a woman working against their biology.  
“Yes. She said you needed a period of adjustment. I respect that doctor. She’s a bit overzealous, but I respect her!”

Meru hesitated to bring up the subject, but she decided it would have to come up sooner or later, “Have you ever been married, Skrain?”

Dukat gave her a pointed glance. He sat at his proud dining table of black oak, making himself comfortable. Meru walked gracefully to the replicator and fetched them both glasses of spring wine. She knew he preferred Bajoran food and drink. That was fine by her. Cardassian cuisine was infamous throughout the known galaxy. Usually only Klingons could acquire a taste for it.

“As a matter of fact, I am married. Did someone on this station tell you that?”

“I’d rather not say.”

“You don’t want me to punish anyone. I understand. It’s no matter because it’s common knowledge anyway. I never told you I was a bachelor.”

“No. Cardassians reveal only whatever they need to and when they are forced to do so.”

“I suppose that’s true.”

“I was certainly no virgin. I didn’t expect that you were either. I just- I’m not sure how to explain this.”

“You feel that I have betrayed you?” Dukat said softly.

“Not me! Her! Isn’t the family unit considered almost sacred on Cardassia? Does being faithful to a spouse mean nothing?”

“Has your husband always been faithful?”

“Yes!” she answered without hesitation.

“How can you be so certain?” Dukat put his fingertips together.

“Because we loved and trusted each other!” Meru rose from her chair and shouted.

“Maybe,” Dukat didn’t react to her raised voice. “Let’s just say my marriage was based on political gain over anything else on both sides of the bed.”

“What is her name?”

“Do you really want to know?” Dukat looked at her doubtfully. “Shall I describe her form the hairs on her head to the tips of her toes? She’s an afterthought to me. She is an obligation. She would probably haunt you more than she has ever haunted me.”   
“Why don’t you divorce her if you dislike her so much?”

“Divorce is stigmatized on Cardassia. She would take our children from me and I would be forced out of my position if she proved I was the cause of a failed marriage. Are you aware that officers are required to have families and children if they have any hope of gaining higher ranks?”

“I thought talent, training, intelligence, and experience were the merits most desirable to the Cardassian military.”

“If a Cardassian man can’t keep a family happy at home then his leadership qualities are in serious doubt. If he can’t reproduce at all, he could be considered unhealthy or defective. If he can’t attract a wife, he might be accused of the crime of homosexuality.”  
“What if you simply never wanted to be a husband or father?”

Dukat smiled and got misty-eyed, “I love children, Meru. I wanted to be a father to as many children as I could possibly make. I want to restore my family legacy and children are the future. I couldn’t have them without a wife. The Cardassian woman I married is from a good family. She has flawless genes and showed me positive fertility results before we wed. She’s pregnant right now.”

Meru chewed the inside of her cheek. She was very glad she had sterilized herself. She didn’t like seeing Dukat’s careless duplicity. He chuckled and patted her hand.

“Are you jealous?” he said teasingly.

“No, I just can’t imagine being with someone I didn’t care for and making children with them.”

“As a teenager, I was chased by all the girls! But my father’s trial and execution made my options for marriage dismal. I became toxic to the reputation of any woman that dared to court me. My future wife was meant for someone else. He was a soldier of the same rank as me. I considered him a friend. She took me aside and admitted she preferred me.”

“So she does love you!”

“Love is not the correct word for it. Not even close, Meru. She preferred me, as I said. She was far more cold, malicious, and deceitful than any woman I’ve ever known. She sensed my hunger to restore my family’s lost glory. She was attracted to that, not so much me as a person. My fellow soldier was already comfortable with his status and wealth. He was in no hurry to advance her or give her children with ambition built into their DNA. All she had against me was the stain of possible traitor blood. She admired my father and didn’t want to believe he really betrayed Cardassia. She asked me to do a terrible thing to prove worthy of her if I dared.”

“What was it, Skrain?” Meru was afraid to ask.

“She demanded that I murder her betrothed and make it look like a tragic accident.”

“Please tell me you won her over some other way!” Meru was horrified. “Tell me that you made a grand romantic gesture or saved her sibling or family fortune. That sounds more like you.” 

I hope that is the sort of thing you would do instead, she thought frantically.

“I already confessed to you that I have done horrible things in my past to gain my position. Meru, this woman was likely going to be my best and last chance. I refused to marry beneath me. I was eliminating the competition as nature has always intended of males to earn mating rights. You’d be surprised how common this sort of thing is. We simply don’t fight each other openly and use subtle means whenever necessary. We destroy careers, reputations, ruin alliances. Clean fights to the death would be kinder. My wife required me to commit my first cold blooded murder.”

“Prophets, Skrain!” Meru clamped a hand over her mouth.

“I did the deed myself. A less clever man might have paid an Obsidian agent to simply do the work for him. They required a fortune my family could no longer afford. Besides, I never trusted the Obsidian Order and that was long before they crucified my father. I asked my friend to help me repair an engine on our ship that I had already sabotaged. The explosion when he tinkered with it killed him instantly, destroyed the evidence of my involvement, and it injured me to further remove mistrust.”

“What if something had gone wrong, Skrain?”

“I was willing to risk everything because the reward outweighed everything else. I mourned his death sincerely and comforted his intended bride at the funeral. We had known each other for years so no one questioned the relationship as it became closer. We married a year later just to avoid suspicion by being too hasty.”

Meru was speechless. Dukat told his story without any qualms of guilt. When he spoke of his wife, it was without a shred of tenderness. He sipped his spring wine casually. She couldn’t touch her own. All she could do was watch his emotionless eyes and listen to his voice.

“I admit that a part of me admired her ruthlessness. Her crocodile tears at the burial convinced everyone around her she was practically a grieving widow. She has given me excellent offspring. She’s a Cardassian woman, through and through. She is nothing like you, Meru.”

“I am not a homicidal maniac, you mean?”

“You are gentle, spiritual and selfless. You have a sense of humor and appreciation for life. You have a different strength and intelligence that is no less admirable. You are so very beautiful.”

He rose from his chair and leaned over her. His tongue on her own tasted of the wine with extra sweetener. His words should have melted her heart, but she was reeling from his speech. She tried to pull away.

“Remember Dr. Rica’s orders?” she put a finger to his lips.

“To hell with that!”

Before she could react, he scooped her up in his strong arms and began to carry her to his bedroom. She squirmed and let out a cry.

“Skrain, please! Let me rest a bit! Last night was amazing, but I don’t think I can endure something like that again so soon! I want to take a bath and go to sleep tonight! Maybe tomorrow night we can make love again?”

Dukat pinned her to the bed with his body. His armor was still on and felt terribly uncomfortable grinding against her breasts, especially when they were still sensitive. 

“You want to take a bath and fantasize about your husband!” he hissed. “I can’t forget you are also married and unlike me, you loved your spouse! Unlike you, I am a terribly jealous lover. I wish you would forget that weak man!”

“Hey!” her shout was involuntary. “Leave Taban out of this!”

“If I had been in Taban’s place, I would have died for you! I wouldn’t let any man take you from me! My children might be orphaned, but they’d live knowing their father was a brave man that loved their mother fiercely enough to fight for her! I love you, Meru! I’ll love you more than that Bajoran ever did! Let me prove it you!”

“You don’t have to do that, Skrain!” she said in desperation and terror. “I-I believe you! I-I love you too!”

He lifted up the skirts of her gown and pulled aside the cloth beneath with one hand. He used the other to free himself and drove into her. Telling him what he wanted to hear had only inflamed his relentless lust. Meru let out a shriek. It was too much too fast. She had needed at least one night to heal. She wished she had the foresight to use the numbing agents that Dr. Rica had given her, but how could she have known that Dukat would ignore the medical orders so swiftly?

Three slow and powerful strokes were all it took before Dukat climaxed. She hoped that was the end of it. She was only beginning to wipe at her tears when he started moving again. She moaned.

“I was too fast,” Dukat said apologetically. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll go slow and be much gentler this time. I don’t see any blood yet. I’ll make whatever pain you’re feeling go away, my love.”

“You didn’t bother to remove the armor,” she gasped. “It’s, uh, making it difficult to breathe.”

He paused and began to remove their clothes, apologizing again and cursing at the articles with impatience. Meru wanted to shove him out of her and away. This must be what a rape felt like. She’d never be rid of this rapist, however. He was convinced he was in love!

Why did love and lust have to be so twisted sometimes?


	5. Chapter 5

“I didn’t expect to see you back here again so soon, dear,” the female Cardassian’s voice was pleasantly low and gravelly. 

“Me neither,” Meru forced a smile. “But it sure is good to see you.”

“Oh, aren’t you sweet as pie!” Dr. Rica exclaimed. “Too bad Dukat keeps sticking himself inside of you!”

“I’m a human being.”

“I know, dear. Sometimes doctors like me have a sick sense of humor and we display it at bad times. You’ll be alright. I’ve seen much worse. Dukat didn’t know about the procedure I performed. I don’t often give that man the benefit of the doubt, but I’m sure he would have stopped sooner if he had known.”

“I was afraid to tell him. I still am. He didn’t stop until he finally saw the blood on the sheets again.”

“Well, he’s got to visit our home planet tomorrow. He’ll be gone for about a week. That will give you the time you need to heal. He’ll have missed your sweet embrace after dealing with his wife’s cold and scaly body. You may want to be prepared the night he returns.”

“He said his wife is pregnant already.”

“Then he won’t have to go through the motions with her and will resent the dry spell. Take the numbing agents for sure this time. They will stop working if you use them too often so be forewarned.”

Meru groaned, “Is there something you can give me for him? I don’t want to hurt him. I just want to slow his urges just a bit.”

“That would be a clever little trick, but it would be a risk. I can’t bear the thought of what would happen to you if anyone suspected you of tampering with the Prefect of Bajor’s food. The computer system would identify it and there are poison snoopers everywhere on this station.”

Dr. Rica handed her a steaming ceramic mug. It felt warm and comforting in her hands. She blew at the steam and glanced at the Cardassian.

“What is this?”

“Hot cocoa. Drink it,” the doctor ordered her.

Meru took a sip, thinking it was some sort of medicine. She’d never heard of the alien beverage before. There was no cocoa or chocolate on her native planet. Kava was the closest thing. After a sample, she chugged the rest of the liquid and licked her lips. It had a rich bitter-sweet taste. Dr. Rica grinned at her and took the empty mug to the replicator for her.

“Did you enjoy that?”

“I did enjoy it very much so!” Meru felt a small rush of endorphins and a slight sugar high. “Thank you, Dr. Rica!”

“You are very welcome, dear. At least you look like you are gaining much needed weight. You are plumping up and becoming more beautiful!”

Meru blushed at the compliment.

“Lie down.”

“Lie down?” 

“Don't wrinkle those ridges at me. It's cute and distracting. I’m going to give you a massage. ”

“Why?”

“Because it’s good for you, but I will allow you to leave without it if you aren’t comfortable.”

Meru considered leaving but decided to give it a chance. She lay down without argument as Dr. Rica removed her gloves. Cardassian hands were gray but strangely free of scales. The skin was smooth and they had humanoid fingernails instead of reptilian claws or birdlike talons. Dr. Rica fetched a bottle of oil and let some of it drip onto her palms.

“Lie face down with clothes off, dear,” she instructed. “There’s a slip of cloth here if you wish to cover your gluteus maximus.”

“Oh, I suppose that’s alright. You’ve already seen everything of me, doctor.”

“I have.”

Once she was lying the proper way, Dr. Rica began stroking and rubbing her shoulders. Meru sighed as the tension was eased out of her carefully and patiently. She became so relaxed she almost fell asleep. She felt no alarm or embarrassment when Dr. Rica’s hands moved lower, covering nearly every inch of her.

“Did you do this professionally?” Meru asked.

“For a time as a teenager, I did. It was my first job.”

“I can tell. You must have been good!”

“I found I had a knack for it and enjoyed it. Some of the clients were pleasant to spend time with.”

“Caring for people like this must have made you want to become a doctor.”

“Partially. My entire female line has been in the medical field in some capacity. I enjoyed ordering around the nurses. In our society, females are the senior staff and boys are the second-rate nurses.”

“Do you have children, Dr. Rica?”

“I never married. I’m a spinster. Now roll over, dear.”

She obeyed, still unashamed and quite comfortable. Dr. Rica dripped oil onto her stomach and began to caress in circles around her belly button.

“Sorry if the scales of my arms have nicked you.”

“No, doctor, you are doing a wonderful job!”

“Are your breasts hurting?”

“No. All the pain was down there and the meds have helped enormously with that.”

“Good!”

Meru moaned as the doctor continued and asked playfully, “Do you do this sort of thing for every patient?”

“It depends on the need.”

“I’m sorry I demand so much extra care in so little time.”

“No, my dear Meru, you have become my favorite patient.”

The Bajoran woman noted that Dr. Rica had called her by her name. She lifted her head up for a moment and then relaxed again.

“I bet you tell your dates that sort of thing too,” she joked.

Dr Rica froze for a second and let out a hollow laugh, “I really don’t date much.”

“Why didn’t you ever marry?”

“I’m defective, dear. I always have been.”

“I’m so sorry. I know Cardassian men are shamed for being infertile. As a Cardassian woman, it must be so much worse!”

Dr. Rica sighed, “I was fertile in my youth. No, I was defective in a different way.”

“How so?” Meru was puzzled.

“I’m your doctor, dear. I don’t even tell my friends these sorts of things. That is probably because I have none.”

“Doctor, I will be your friend if you allow it.”

Dr. Rica scoffed, “Friends? A Bajoran woman and a Cardassian woman?”

“Why not?”

“You must absolutely hate me.”

Meru sat up and seized Dr. Rica hand. She brushed a strand of her fine white hair away from her eyes. The other woman was startled but didn’t stop her.

“I couldn’t hate you,” Meru whispered. “I like you. Let’s please be friends? I need a friend.”

“You have the puppy dog look mastered. Has anyone ever told you that?” Dr. Rica grumbled.

“Has anyone ever told you that you are pretty, doctor?” Meru replied.

Dr. Rica blinked at her and pulled her hand away. She helped dress her patient in thoughtful silence. Meru pulled her hair back and revealed teeth marks and scratches on her throat and shoulders that were curtained away before. Dr. Rica traced each wound.

“I’ll be your friend, Meru, if you promise to rest up. Are you religious? What am I saying? You’re Bajoran! Of course you are! Meditate as often as you can. That isn’t a bad technique. Tell Dukat if he doesn’t let you heal properly this time, I’ll kill the bastard!”


	6. Chapter 6

Dukat returned from Cardassia Prime in a splendid mood. He brought Kira Meru a plethora of gifts. She realized it was part of his apology for sending her to Dr. Rica two days in a row, but she didn’t give him the cold shoulder and accepted the apology graciously. She was primed to take the numbing agents given her at a moment’s notice.

He had purchased her expensive dresses of the latest fashion on Cardassia. Meru knew very little about his people’s taste and style and thought that they would have been more fitting for his real wife. She admitted when she modeled them for him that they didn’t look bad at all on her and Dukat seemed to think they were well worth the price. There was a bundle of rare and delicate flowers that only grew near the volcanic vents on his planet. He had also bought all the art supplies that she could possibly need. She thought for a brief second that was the best gift of all.

She had become quite bored while Dukat was gone. She was relieved to have a break, but she missed his conversation. Cardassians appreciated intellectual debate and general socializing as much as Bajorans. He didn’t keep her just to sleep with her. There was no stimulating work for her to do on the station even if her mate allowed it. She had servants that did all the tedious domestic chores. They were afraid they’d be severely reprimanded if Dukat caught his beloved mistress doing such humiliating tasks.

All Meru could do was engage in her spiritual practices. Her shrine was as spacious and beautiful as she could make it without turning it gaudy or selfishly taking up the rest of the room. She had a feeling Dukat was the only Cardassian on the station that allowed his Bajoran woman to practice her faith. She was escorted to the holosuites so that she could exercise or to the tiny spa on the Promenade to be groomed and pampered. Nothing beat Dr. Rica’s massage though. She read Cardassian literature since Bajoran writings were hard to come by here. She took long naps. She was tempted to take up cooking, not because she had ever enjoyed doing it, but just so she could have a hobby and perhaps impress Dukat with something tasty and exotic.

Dukat provided her with easels, paints in every conceivable color, brushes, sketchbooks, clay and other sculpting materials, and so much more. He knew she was once a moderately famous icon painter before her family was summoned to the Singha camp. He was excited to watch her engage in her true talent and passion. She loved art and not just because she was born to the right caste for it.

Dukat saved the best gift for last. He handed her a data rod and she felt her heart skip a beat. She could guess what it might be.

“This is the first of many to come,” he told her. “It was waiting for me in my office. It’s from Fala Trentin, your monk friend on Bajor.”

“Oh, Skrain!”

He continued to smile through a passionate and well earned kiss from her. He let her have some privacy so that she could watch her family. There was only an hour of footage but she burst into joyful tears as she absorbed every image.

Taban was clearing the soil near their cozy new home so that he could grow a garden. His artistic passion took the form of a green thumb and he was a landscaper and florist. He grew the most beautiful flowers in their province. He won a coveted award the year they first met and sent her the bouquet of winning Bajoran roses to spark her interest, suggesting that she paint a still and send him a sample of her work. She invited Taban into her quarters and asked to paint a portrait of him instead holding the flowers and Nerys their first born was conceived soon after.

Nerys was nearly overworking herself trying to help her father. Her hair was wild and tangled. She threw tantrums when her parents tried to comb her hair. Taban didn’t have the heart to force her to do anything. Meru feared that her daughter would never learn the feminine graces only a mother or elder sister could teach. There was dirt smeared all over her face that was red with sunburn. She sucked a thumb when she tried to remove some thorny weeds. 

Reon followed her lead like a duckling copying its mother’s movements carefully. His hair was in need of a cut. It was getting as long as a girl’s. Meru was relieved when Taban took his shears to it and Nerys laughed hysterically at him while he stuck his tongue out at her. They began to wrestle playfully. Nerys was always gentle with her siblings.

Baby Pohl almost swallowed a grub worm he dug out of the dirt. Nerys shouted in alarm and snatched the slimy thing from her brother’s not so chubby fingers. It was just like her strong willed daughter to quickly transform herself into the new mother of the family even though she was only just turning four that season. So young and so much responsibility! It wasn’t fair.

The recording of their time outdoors cut off and she watched them as they enjoyed their extra rations. Taban asked Nerys to lead the blessing over the food. Not only did they have double the portions of their neighbors, the quality of the food was superior. Meru’s family looked as though they had gained much needed weight. All of them except for her baby unfortunately. Pohl still looked frail and sick. 

“I wish they had given me a few more weeks to nurse you, my baby,” Meru said aloud. “Prophets, please be with them! Let him get better! This makes everything worthwhile! No matter what happens to me here, as long as I have this, I will make my own happiness.”

Her family had no idea they were being recorded. It was the only way. She had asked Taban not to let the children forget her and he promised it would never happen. The less they remembered of her though, the less unhappy they would be. She put on one of the new dresses Dukat had given her and made herself up before she returned to him. She hid the numbing agents away. She was healed properly now and was willing to go to bed with him after all he had given her.

When she invited him to the bedroom, however, Dukat cupped her face and said, “I still feel terrible for what happened before I left. The doctor must be breathing fire and I don’t blame her. I’ll give you a few more nights to be on the safe side. Does your family appear in good health and relative safety?”

“Yes,” she knew there was nothing he could do for Pohl. “And how is your family?”

“My newest child is developing well!” he boasted. “It’s another boy!”

“Wonderful! Is your wife taking the pregnancy well?”

“She always carries them well without a sign of her condition. She works until the day of delivery without complain and chases the other little ones at a steady pace. The eldest will be going to her first serious academy within the month.”

“Cardassian children endure a very demanding and rigid schooling system, don’t they?”

“They do, but my children have been given a head start. We have private tutors and have spots for them in the very best schools.”

“Have you ever thought of bringing them to the station for visits?”

Meru had never seen a pure Cardassian child and was curious. Hybrids didn’t count. Maybe she would feel less empty if she could play mother to Dukat’s sons and daughters. Dukat’s face darkened at the suggestion.

“I really don’t want my children to know what goes on in a place like this. They, and my wife by extension, must never know about you either.”

“Would she have me killed?”

“Both of us if she thought she could actually get away with it! She knows better,” he grinned wryly. “I protect the things I love at any cost.”

“You will be gone again once your son is born?”

“I do take a short paternity leave whenever any of my children are born. I don’t like to leave you alone. I wish they allowed pets on the station but I don’t dare break that regulation.”

“I will be fine. I have made a friend, Skrain.”

“Oh?” he clasped her close, nuzzling her with his ridges. “Who is it?”

“Dr. Rica.”

Dukat stitched his brows, “I’d prefer you find another friend, my love.”

“Why? Dr. Rica isn’t like other Cardassian women! She’s very kind, gentle, and she’s actually funny! She takes good care of me. I feel better talking to her. What is wrong with her?”

“You are correct when you say she isn’t like other Cardassian women. She is defective.”

“She said that about herself too but she didn’t explain what that meant.”

“I hope this won’t make you uneasy the next time you have a medical exam but the truth is that it means Dr. Rica is homosexual, Meru.”

She stared up at Dukat in shock, “Isn’t that a high crime on Cardassia Prime?”

“In males it is absolutely seen as a threat that needs to be exposed and eliminated at once,” he explained. “In females it is seen as a curable illness of the mind. The women go through conversion therapy when their orientation is discovered. Dr. Rica went most of her life hiding her secret and relapsed quickly after she gained her freedom. She’s a very good doctor and past childbearing age. Instead of imprisoning her or executing her, her superiors decided to essentially exile her giving her postings off planet. Her mating preference is exactly the reason why she is on Terok Nor. I told you most Cardassians of the Occupation are considered criminal or defective one way or another. Our females are no different.”

“On Bajor, sexual orientation is smooth and fluid and that is considered acceptable.”

“Something I will never understand. You have never been with another woman, have you?”

Meru pulled away from him, “Would you discard me if I had?”

“No. It’s a harmless condition in women.”

Meru chose not to argue with his ridiculous and artificial logic, “I have only ever been with Taban before you!”

Dukat sighed with obvious relief, “And they say that all Bajorans are promiscuous and deviant!”

“We don’t sanction rape!” Meru snapped.

He was deadly silent at that comment. She needed to steer the conversation fast before one of them became excessively angry.

“No wonder Dr. Rica was reluctant to be friends,” she said. “I thought it was because I was Bajoran.”

“I almost wish I could find another doctor for you.”

“She had been nothing but professional, Skrain. Now that I have art supplies, I will never truly be bored or lonely.”

He began to stroke her strawberry blond hair and replied, “I want to believe that, Meru. Will you allow me to watch you create something?”

“Of course!”

She began to paint landscaping from Bajor. It was a mental image from her memory. She doubted the place existed any more. Cardassian strip mining and deforestation was rapidly robbing her planet of such locations. It was a shame. Maybe the Prefect would be subtly reminded to try to protect the preserves that were left.

As she tried to concentrate, Dukat would plant his lips on her neck, comb his fingers through her hair, and whisper praise and affection in her ear. He didn’t drag her to the bedroom again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way the comfort system and Cardassians work reminds me of a clash of what the Nazis and Japanese did during WWII. The Japanese enslaved Korean women and the Germans snatched Polish women and children, forcing them to take German names and assimilate. Also, the Nazis hated male homosexuals and put them in camps to die. They really did believe women could be 'cured' of their lesbianism. They often forced those women into marriages, brothels, or camps when they refused to live a lie.  
> Almost every Nazi officer cheated on their pure and Aryan wives either with Jewish women or otherwise. Himmler had a secret second family and once confessed in his journal nearly falling for a Jewish woman. Goebbels had a wife they're almost certain now was fathered by a Jew. I read a blog claiming the blogger knew a woman that was a survivor of the brothel in Auschwitz itself. She was Jewish and forced to sleep with the most evil men in history including the Angel of Death Mengele himself.  
> I don't know if it's true, but I don't doubt the evil of men. I imagine Meru and Dukat's relationship would be very similar to these examples in history. The writers of DS9 must have done their homework on these darker footnotes of history most others ignore.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's girl on girl action in this chapter so avoid that if it's not your thing. This story already obviously has messages about homophobia and sexual orientation.

Kira Meru was surprised to receive a visitor at such a late hour. She knew it couldn’t be Dukat. He had sent her a transmission letting her know his son had been brought smoothly into the universe right on time for him to witness it with his own eyes. She congratulated him dutifully while longing for her children. Did his wife appreciate that she would never have to fear being separated from her babies as she had been?

She opened the door and Dr. Rica stepped inside before she could say anything. She couldn’t have stopped the Cardassian woman even if she wanted to. She was much more powerful. 

“Oh, Meru!” there was kanar on her breath. “Does your head still hurt?”

“My head?” she was confused. “I am fine! What are you doing here, doctor, and why are you in such a state? It doesn’t seem like you.”

“And how do I seem, dear? You haven’t known me long enough to know better!”

“You seemed professional to me. Unconventional, maybe, but still a professional. You also seemed tough as deuridium.”

“I usually am. You’re seeing a rare side of me. Aren’t you lucky?” Dr. Rica said sarcastically.

Meru helped her friend to the couch. Dr. Rica gazed all around the luxurious quarters. Meru remained demure, wondering what the Cardassian woman was thinking. She knew of her hatred for Dukat. It was a good thing he was gone. He didn’t approve of their friendship, no matter how innocent it may be.

“You look like you have settled in here quite nicely. Is that painting your handiwork?” Dr. Rica nodded to the landscaping picture on the wall.

Meru nodded.

“Your work is gorgeous.”

“The subject matter is,” Meru was never boastful.

“Most Cardassians hate art outside of geometrics. It’s one of the few things that both Dukat and I appreciate. Will you give me some more booze? I love the idea of running up his replicator bill!”

“I think you should go easy on the drinks, doctor. What happened to you?” Meru asked with concern.

“A patient woke me early in the morning whining about a headache. I couldn’t recall which. She didn’t leave her name and expected me to recognize her voice. I have a photographic memory, not very good auditory recall. My hearing has never been as good as others of my species. So then I just wanted out of my office to enjoy myself. I’m the only female Cardassian on this whole damn station! There are soldiers starving for a real woman of their own kind. They’re homesick or refuse to take a mistress. When I was in that ugly Ferengi’s bar, I drank for something to do. The stares of the men were boring holes in me. I tried to figure out which patient called. Their keeper wouldn’t want me tracing the call back. I kept thinking that it had to have been you. I wanted it to be you. Then a Gul got frisky with me and I walloped him! Stupid oaf!”

“I wish our women could defend ourselves from such advances,” Meru said bitterly.

Dr. Rica put a hand over her eyes, “I’m being terribly insensitive! You are right. If I was a Bajoran, I’d have to just take it without a single complaint!”

“I understand, doctor, more than you know. Let me fetch you some water.”

She was still muttering self-derogatory terms in her alien tongue when Meru placed a glass to her lips. She had painted her face a little. Her eyes were shadowed and outlined and her lips were colored with black lipstick instead of red. A red shade on a Cardassian’s gray pallor would have looked bizarre. Black suited her and made her lips stand out more. Her nails were painted black as well and instead of her medical coat, she wore a simple black dress that exposed her broad shoulders and neck.

Dr. Rica reached out a hand to take the glass, her fingers brushing lightly over Meru’s. Her eyes filled with adoration.

“Do you really understand?” the doctor said in a heartbreaking voice. “I don’t care a whit for the men here. I already said I’m the only Cardassian woman. My only hope of companionship would be in my patients, but they are all Bajoran women that hate me. You are the only person that would have considered inviting me into your quarters, Meru, the only one.”

“That can’t be true.”

“It is! I can’t sleep at night because I worry about you so. I imagine the things Dukat has done and will continue to keep doing to you. I feel sick! I wish I could hold you and protect you. I wish I could smuggle you home to your husband and babies where you belong!”

“You really do care about me, don’t you?”

“More than I can hardly stand!”

“Stay here tonight, doctor. You need looking after for a change. You shouldn’t be alone. Dukat is gone and we can just spend time together.”

“Yes,” a thin smile spread on her lips. “I want to spend the night with you. I would like that very much.”

She laid her head on Meru’s breast, drowsy and succumbing to the kanar. Meru wrapped her arms around her, feeling a giddy feeling overcoming her. Dr. Rica had a very pleasant scent and her ash colored hair tickling her breasts had a nice texture. Her scales on her visible skin were much more seamless than Dukat’s. 

“Doctor-“

“My name is Lenora.”

“Lenora,” Meru refrained. “Is that the Cardassian word for ‘lovely’?”

“Don’t patronize me, dear!” the other woman gave her a defensive look. “I’m an old hag past her prime!”

“I think you look quite timeless, Lenora.”

“Ha!”

“I mean it! Accept my heartfelt compliment or get out of my quarters, you drunken and bitter woman!” Meru teased.

“You dish out insults as well as you do compliments, I see. Charming girl, even when you do insult me, it sounds sweet coming from you. Why do you have to be as sweet as you are lovely? If you were only attractive, I could ignore you. When you are kind, it makes it so much harder for me!”

“Lenora, you don’t have to fear getting so close to me. You don’t have to hide anything from me either. I’m your friend and I know you’re attracted to women. It doesn’t bother me.”

“You know?” the doctor sprang from the couch and her arms. “Did I give myself away so easily?”

“Dukat informed me.”

“Well, I told you about his skeletons. It was simply the universe and him paying me back for that.”

“On Bajor, we don’t discriminate based on sexual orientation.”

“I know, but it’s a betrayal on mine against the family, the society, and the state! It gets worse, Meru! I can’t possibly be your friend much longer.”

“Why not? Lenora, I need you! No other man will dare look at me for fear of Dukat’s retaliation! The other Bajoran women think I’m far too privileged! To them, Dukat is a good catch! He treats me far better than most Cardassians treat their mistresses!”

“That’s sad and screwed up!” 

“It is, but we have to accept it!”

“I can’t because I don’t want to be friends! I’m falling for you!”

Both women were silent. Meru blushed a rosy color and Dr. Rica flushed a pale gray. They were mutually fascinated by the display. Meru reached out to touch her first. She knew Cardassians were cold-blooded, but did the change in color provoke a temperature change? Dr. Rica wanted to feel the warm-blooded woman’s skin beneath hers so badly, knowing for a fact it was getting hotter.

“Oh, my dear Meru,” Dr. Rica gasped. “Are you aware that female Cardassians have a drive almost as aggressive as their male counterparts?”

“Tell me more.”

“We are quite easy to stimulate.”

“I’m curious, Lenora. I’ve never been with a woman.”

“I don’t want to be like him, dear! I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want anything you don’t want!”

“You are drunk,” Meru giggled. “I would be the one taking advantage of you in this situation!”

“I shouldn’t be drunk for this. There are pills in my bag. They’ll sober me up. Hurry!”

Meru’s fingers were trembling and she almost dropped the bag. She found the correct bottle of pills and handed them to the doctor. She swallowed them without water. Her gray eyes became glazed and her breath hissed forth with desire when she darted those eyes over Meru.

“They are working and I still want you!” she declared.

“I’m nervous,” Meru answered. “But not afraid. There is a world of difference between those two emotions.”

“Are you sure you might actually want me too, Meru?”

“Yes, Lenora. I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

Dr. Rica put an arm around Meru’s slender waist, jerked her to her hip and swept a gray hand through her rose-gold hair to get a firm grip on the back of her head. Meru let out a shaky breath. The doctor was searching for signs of true arousal, still suspicious. Meru’s blue eyes were wide and dilated. Her lips were parted and wanton. Dr. Rica’s eyes were hungry. Both of them were breathing huskily. 

Without warning, Dr. Rica pulled Meru’s head back and dove after her to give her the first long and satisfying kiss. The Bajoran woman’s lips were like soft pillows and the Cardassian woman’s quirked into a smile as her dark lipstick smeared, marking her mate for her own. Then she pulled away to give her a tender look and gauge Meru’s reaction. Was she repulsed?

Meru let out a small sound of need she wouldn’t have recognized as hers, inviting the other woman to continue. She begged with her eyes. They let their lips meet again and remain locked for a time. Dr. Rica nipped gently with her teeth. Even they felt less sharp and insistent than Dukat’s. Her tongue was just as talented and smoother. Most important of all was the fact that she knew Lenore would never hurt her. There was something being transferred in her touch that was far more than just traditional lust.  
Dr. Rica removed her clothes slowly and with some show and watched as Meru did the same. As women, they knew sometimes it was all about conceal and reveal. The sensual removal of clothing could be excellent foreplay in the right conditions and if both partners were patient. They also had a different appreciation and understanding of the female form because it was their own. They studied each other in wonder for a few moments.

Dr. Rica couldn’t believe how soft and smooth Meru was. This was a first for her in a way because she had never been with a Bajoran. When she had touched it before, she didn’t think even an infant Cardassian’s skin could compare. Meru would have laughed and told her to try rubbing her cheek against a Bajoran baby’s little hand or foot! Motherhood had been kind to her body with only stretch marks and enlarged breasts as signs of stress on her body. There were moles and fine peach fuzz here and there, but Dr. Rica thought that was almost as cute as her little nose ridges.

When Meru peeled away the last of Lenore’s clothing, she was amazed that the scales and ridges almost made the Cardassian female androgynous and otherworldly in a very good way. The scales sparkled like jewels encrusted into her skin which wasn’t rough everywhere. There were several inches near her genitals and breasts, for example, which were almost as smooth as her own. The ridges were welcome places for her to grip her hands on. Her body was hairless and she displayed no wrinkles or signs of age whatsoever.

“Lenora, you are more beautiful than I imagined!” Meru told her.

“So are you! You are so soft!” the other woman exclaimed.

They pressed the palms of their hands and their bodies against each other to experience the contrast. Their hearts were pounding in their ears.

“Let me massage you again, dear? Please?” 

“Of course!” Meru gasped in response.

“This time, I’ll do it on a bed rather than a medical table. I can touch the parts of you I avoided then!”

“I’ve been longing for one of your massages!”

“I’m glad to hear you say that!”

“You must tell me what to do to please you, Lenora.”

“Oh, I will. First let me take good care of you!”

After foreplay that lasted for seemingly ages, both women helped each other to climax. The Cardassian woman was gentle and experienced. Meru was eager and more than willing to learn. Their exertions didn’t take a toll on their bodies so their love-making lasted all night. Dr. Rica was able to find Meru’s spot much faster than Dukat and she didn’t need intervals of rest between her orgasms. Dr. Rica felt that she would now be forever addicted to touching and kissing Meru’s smooth skin, especially her breasts. When she kissed those lovely mounds of flesh, she felt as though she had needed to do precisely that for the longest time in her life!

“I understand now why Cardassian men have such a weakness for your women,” she said as the two lovers cuddled in warm, soft blankets. “If I had been born a man, maybe I would have been no different than Dukat.”

“I don’t think so, Lenora. There are some men on this station that are honorable and refuse to victimize women. Dukat told me himself many of the men here and on Bajor are monsters but the men on Cardassia Prime must be different.”

“True, there are good men. There’s also a growing movement against the Occupation and Central Command. The Dissidents. One day, I hope you will be free, Meru. You and the rest of your people. What my people are doing is wrong.”

Meru began to stroke the scales above Dr. Rica’s breasts, “Are you one of these Dissidents? Is that part of why you hate Dukat and know so much about him?”

Dr. Rica sighed, “It is best if I don’t answer questions like that. I need you to promise me that if I’m ever arrested or under investigation for something like we’ve just done now or for crimes against my planet, you will not be foolishly loyal to me. Let me die.”

Meru almost burst into tears, “Don’t tell me things like that! Not now!”

Dr. Rica kissed her, “Better now than never. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Dukat said something like that.”

“Ugh! I don’t mean it the way he does!” 

Dr. Rica hit her playfully with a pillow, cheering her partner up for a brief moment.

“Would Dukat kill us if he found us together like this?” Meru asked gravely.

“Not you. He’s clearly attached to you and never liked me. He’d make you watch as he tortured and killed me though.”

“I’d like to think he wouldn’t.”

“You put far too much faith in that man, but I understand that you have to.”

“Does this mean that you and I will never make love again?”

Dr. Rica stroked her hair and smiled at her, “Do you want it to happen again?”

“As often as possible.”

“Then I don’t mind dying for you. You are worth it, Kira Meru. It won’t come to that. I’ve spent a lifetime learning to be discreet!”

She gave the woman a last kiss and then rose to dress hastily. Meru missed her borrowed warmth beside her already, soaked up from her own inner furnace. Dr. Rica felt cold and hollow separated from Meru.

“I have to go abort a baby,” Dr. Rica said far too casually.

Meru gasped in horror.

“I told you that you were a smart cookie. This woman opted out of birth control. Sadly, she wants this baby.”

“What? A hybrid?”

“What you or I think about hybrids doesn’t matter. What you or I think about abortion doesn’t matter. What should matter is what the mother wants. She hoped the father would accept the baby if she became pregnant. She said she knew this baby would likely be her only chance at motherhood. Now I have to sterilize her and take her unborn child because the father demands it. I can’t stop it. I’ll make it so that the serialization procedure can be reversed by a clever enough doctor.”

“You are some sort of angel, you know that?” Meru said softly.

Dr. Rica snickered, “I don’t know what I am. I’m still murdering an infant! At least I won’t scar your insides like Dukat and I can’t get you pregnant. Mark my words, Meru, if he got you with child, he’d force us into the same ugly situation. If it came out that the leader of the Occupation had a Bajoran mistress he loved and had hybrids with her, the scandal would rock both our planets!”

“It will never happen thanks to you.”

“I’ll return tomorrow night, my love. We must take advantage of Dukat’s absence while we can.”


	8. Chapter 8

Meru and Dr. Rica carried out their affair for years. They never dared to meet anywhere in public but there was always her regular checkups in the medical office and whenever Dukat left the station to return to his real family, the Cardassian woman carefully slipped into the Prefect’s quarters late at night. The guard at her door was notoriously lax in his duties. No one in their right mind would dare try to break into Dukat’s quarters or attempt to harm his beloved mistress! 

If she was spotted, the doctor told the guard she was just making a house call to her priority patient. She was having terrible stomach pains or headaches or cramps so nothing would stop her from treating her and comforting her. The Cardassian man didn’t even think to report these visits to his superiors. He was a low ranked soldier and had no knowledge of Dr. Rica’s real motives. In fact, the older woman flirted with him sometimes as a cover that the idiot swallowed. He was looking forward to having his own comfort woman soon though.

Dr. Rica’s touch was different than Taban’s or Dukat’s. When she was at her roughest, she was still gentler than Dukat. Meru felt as though she had been missing such a relationship all her life and Lenora Rica fulfilled something inside her. She never imagined she would ever fall in love with a woman and especially not a Cardassian woman. Dukat need never know. As for Taban, her husband had never been threatened by the idea of his wife enjoying the company of a woman. Even he might balk if he knew it was a Cardassian woman. 

“Has Dukat been treating you well?”

“Are you going to give me a pelvic exam right here and now?”

“I’ll get a look the old fashioned way later. Just answer my question, you little tease!”

“Dukat learned his lesson ages ago. It’s pretty much always the same. He returns from Cardassia, showers me with gifts, and then he acts like he’s making love to me for the last time. Then once it’s out of his system, he’s gentle and far more predictable. I haven’t used numbing agents for a long time.”

“Please tell me that viper hasn’t filled your head with lies, dear,” Dr. Rica said.

“What sort of lies? The sort where he insists things are going to get better for my people and they never really do?”

“The sort of lie he used to tell his mistresses. He would make lofty promises that if they did exactly what he asked of them they would be rewarded. He would allow them to return home to their father or husband a free woman. He broke his word every time. He used them and then gave them to his officers to gain favors or dumped them in brothels to improve the morale of his soldiers. You are the first woman he has actually fallen deep in love with. I must admit that now.”

“I am not as naive as I first was when I came here to Terok Nor,” Meru reassured her. “He never made such a promise and I wouldn’t have believed it. I know I am never going home. The Bajorans on the station curse me to my face if I dare walk among them. I shudder to think how they would treat me on my planet. My children have been told I am dead anyway. If I returned, I would not only traumatize them and I would have a lot of explaining to do. Much of what I have done can’t be explained or justified.”

“They might understand when they are older. On a lighter note, do you have new footage of your family that I can enjoy with you?” Dr. Rica asked eagerly.

“Yes.”

“Let’s see it, dear.”

She began to display the latest images on the nearest space station window. Both Dr. Rica and Dukat had differing forms of interest in her family.

“Your Taban is quite the handsome man!” Dr. Rica said. “And you know my tastes!”

“His hair is thinning, but he is still handsome,” Meru was a little biased. “It’s good to see that his garden is thriving!”

“I notice he hasn’t replaced you.”

“Yes and I feel guilty about that at times.”

“He told you that he wanted you to be happy, dear. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“I don’t think this,” she planted a quick kiss on Dr. Rica’s gray lips, “is what he had in mind!”

“I admit I turned you to the dark side.”

“You are wrong. I was always attracted to other women. I just never acted on it before and happened to fall in love with a man. I chose a partner, not a side.”

“That’s not a bad sentiment to have. Your daughter Nerys acts like she was kissed by fire and it shows in her hair!”

“You sound almost as proud of her as I am. She was always a handful!” Meru laughed.

“Reon could be her twin!”

“They were only nine months apart.”

“You would have had ten more children if you were given the chance, wouldn’t you?”

“Perhaps not that many, but Taban and I debated about having at least five.”

Dr. Rica fell silent when Pohl was onscreen. Meru knew that was a bad sign. He was still too thin and frail. She had watched Taban give the boy, now six years old, extra portions of food with barely any results. He gave him the few fresh fruits and vegetables the garden produced while handing the rations to the two older children. Nerys and Reon were occasionally bringing meat from wild game to be cooked in the family pot. The problem was Pohl couldn’t absorb nutrients properly. 

“Thank you, dear, for sharing your family with me again,” Dr. Rica said. “They really are blossoming beautifully. Dukat’s only good deed is providing for them and being better to you. I never wanted to be a wife but that doesn’t mean I didn’t desire children. I wish I could hold your poor little Pohl in my arms.”

“He’s dying isn’t he? Tell me the truth, doctor.”

“He has a slim chance of hitting puberty, but medical miracles have been known to happen.”

“I wonder if my prayers help at all.”

“It can’t possibly hurt.”

They both knelt before the shrine. After years of asking snide questions about the Prophets and watching her with amusement as she worshiped, Dukat no longer displayed any sign of converting any time soon. Lenora Rica, however, had become a sincere new member of the Bajoran faith. Meru had taught her the chants that she found seductive. She showed the doctor how to meditate in exchange for those sensual massages. She managed to give up her habit of drinking too much kanar.

Meanwhile, both women provided the infant Dissident movement on Cardassia and the Bajoran Resistance whatever information they could about the station and the leader of the Occupation’s plans and movements and moods. It was dangerous work that Dr. Rica was more than prepared to take the fall for. She did her best to always erase evidence that Kira Meru was involved in any way. The comfort woman had never displeased her mate or given him any reason to doubt her love and loyalty. She never would.

When Dukat returned he indulged her by watching her family. He carried a new data rod with him. She could feel his resentment for her husband without him having to express it. He observed her sons with mild interest. The only member of her family he had any real interest in was Nerys.

“How old is she now?” he asked.

“About ten years old.”

“She’s starting to look like you, my love. That shade of red is darker but quite appealing.”

Meru turned and gave him a hard look. There was an all too familiar glint in his eyes. It gave her a chill and she wanted to scream at him: I don’t like the way you look at my little girl! Instead, she took a deep breath.

“Skrain, the women of my family tend to be early bloomers. I technically became a woman at age eleven and my body began showing it the next year. Nerys has had a better diet. The same may happen to her. She is destined to become a comfort woman for some Gul or Legate, isn’t she? How long will it be before she is ripped from Taban and her brothers the same way that I was?”

“It will never happen, Meru,” Dukat promised her earnestly. “I already have a permanent protection order filled out for her. Do you wish to see it?”

“You did that?” Meru was pleasantly surprised that he didn’t even need to be asked.

Dukat caught her gaze, “She’s your daughter. I’d never let any harm come to her. She’s practically ours.”

Meru had watched footage of Dukat’s growing brood. He had never looked at his daughters the way he looked at Nerys. Despite his words, she couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling.

“I had no idea you felt so strongly for my children.”

“I’ve worked hard to get them those rations, even if they might not receive them for much longer.”

“What?”

“I’m afraid the Bajoran Resistance has noticed the Kira clan isn’t as bone thin as their neighbors. Taban hinted that he had to give the latest shipment I sent up to the Resistance.”

“But Skrain, there must be some way-“

He raised a hand quickly to cut her off, “I can’t risk feeding the rebels. You know that. I don’t want your children to starve, believe me, Meru. I can keep sending some rations to Fala and he can invite them over for a bowl of soup once in a while. It just might be enough. Hopefully your children won’t be tempted to steal food. If they are caught doing that, I can’t save them from the repercussions.”

Meru was ready to throw herself at him and beg him to find better solutions but then they both heard Nerys shouting.

“I’ll make you pay, Cardassian bastards! I’m a Resistance fighter in a holy war against reptilian devils! The Prophets work through me!”

“You’ll never defeat us, Bajoran scum!” Reon played along.

“For my mother Meru!” Nerys let out a war cry.

They plucked up sticks and pretended they had transformed into real weapons. They made mock sounds of battle and gunfire and explosions. Meru froze the footage in horror and though for sure Dukat would be livid. She swiveled her chair around. There was no chance she could beg him for those rations to continue after that exchange between her children!

“I certainly can’t protect Nerys if she entered the Resistance,” there was concern instead of wrath on his face.

“Skrain, I know! I don’t want her in the Resistance either! I know they are fighting a lost cause and that only peaceful methods will work between our two planets. Tell Fala to give the children extra instruction on the more pacifist scriptures. Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll be pulled toward a religious life rather than a violent one. There are monasteries in the underground.”

“A monastery wouldn’t be that much better. When those are inevitably found, the monks are gunned down and the nuns are more tempting to the soldiers than other women.”

“Would your protection order still be valid?”

“I can only hope so. Men have been known to skirt orders if they think they can get away with it. I’ll give Fala the message and the rations.”

“Thank you, Skrain. I suppose that’s all that we can do.”

Meru began to have a coughing fit. Dukat fetched her a glass of water and stroked her back. 

“Are you ill?”

“I don’t know. This cough does seem to be persistent.”

“I’ll schedule an appointment for you with Dr. Rica immediately.”


	9. Chapter 9

“How long have you had this cough, dear?” Dr. Rica scolded as Meru sat on her exam table. “Have you been suppressing fits while I’ve been with you?”

“I feel like I’ve had this cough since that awful cold.”

“Meru, that was nearly a year ago!”

“It started as a harmless dry cough that came and went at night. It seems like it just recently became a noticeable problem.”

‘Take off your dress. You can leave your slip on underneath it. Let me hear your organs as you cough first.”

She didn’t need to fake a cough and it rattled her entire body. Her ribs had been aching for the past few days. Next she endured several types of scans. Dr. Rica studied the images of her lungs with growing concern.

“There are dark spots all over your lungs,” Lenora Rica was forced to tell the woman she loved. “I have no doubt it is cancer, but no form of it that I have personally seen. My specialization has always been female anatomy and reproductive health. I can start general cancer treatments with your permission.”

Meru hesitated. The news didn’t seem real. The dim lighting of the station that the Cardassians were so fond of seemed over bright and her head was spinning. Dr. Rica kissed her lips tenderly and stroked her hair.

“I better call up Dukat for this.”

“Should we really tell him?” Meru was nervous.

“He is your caregiver and I might manage to win him over as an ally in this upcoming battle we face,” Dr. Rica rolled her eyes. “I never thought I would utter those words!”

She summoned Dukat. He knew already that it must be a dire matter for that particular woman to demand his presence. He entered as though he was marching to an execution. Meru kept her eyes low as he took her hand. For once, he wasn’t in any hurry to hear his own voice. He waited patiently for the doctor to speak. She used a dispassionate and clinical tone as she started. Meru could tell she was struggling to keep her composure because she knew her so intimately.

“Prefect Dukat, there is no easy way to say this: Your mistress Kira Meru has an aggressive lung cancer beyond my scope of medical expertise. Whatever it is, it must have been dormant the past five years and manifested rapidly. It will take more tests to be certain but my educated guess is that she was exposed to some carcinogenic here on Terok Nor. Unless there was something that you remember in the Singha Camp that you ingested?”

“I was in the camp a very brief time before I was taken!” Meru insisted. “It was a mere matter of days! Taban tried to shield and protect me and the children from any burning fires but our cooking fire that devoured ordinary kindling. We didn’t toil in trenches or chemical laden fields. We were some of the lucky few that were given protective clothing cleaning up rubble and waste. I ate the rations that every other Bajoran was given which wasn’t nearly enough even before they halved them! It wasn’t the best conditions by any means, but I believe my husband and I did the best we could in our situation!”

“I’m simply going through a time frame and eliminating possibilities,” the doctor nodded. “Were you ever near the mines or ore processing? Did any of the workers touch you with their work clothes still on and contaminated?”

“No. The comfort women are never allowed to go near there and the workers acted as though I was radioactive.”

“I didn’t think so either. The Bajoran workers have a certain well documented condition the majority of them develop within a few years of such labor unless they’re incredibly hardy and lucky. Your condition looks nothing remotely the same. Can you recall anything that you may have breathed in or been exposed to that could have been hazardous?”

Dukat finally volunteered information, “There was a bomb that went off in our original quarters within her first few weeks here. A Bajoran woman named Luma Rahl shouted for us to step outside in the nick of time. Is it possible there might have been some sort of residue from the explosion that could have done this to Meru?”

“It’s certainly possible.”

“Are you saying,” Dukat grimaced, “the Bajoran Resistance tried to murder me and instead planted the seeds of cancer in my poor Kira?”

Meru squeezed his hand. Dukat didn’t use her surname like that unless he was being incredibly emotional. She always knew that whenever he declared his love for her, he couldn’t be entirely lying. She was worried about losing him. That assassination attempt was one of many that had come before and would be attempted in the future. He had so many enemies and few real friends. He had joked more than once that he suspected an important woman in his life would be his most likely downfall. 

She never conceived of the idea of Dukat losing her. Meru wasn’t liked, but she wasn’t a threat to anyone. Bajorans were envious of her position and Cardassians were envious of Dukat being the one that kept her. She expected she’d have mixed feelings as she mourned at Dukat’s funeral. Within the next few days, she’d be suffering at the hands of another Cardassian, whoever it was that replaced him as leader of the Occupation. She was still young and pretty. 

She wondered absentmindedly how Taban would react at her prognosis. He witnessed his wife being abducted but he wouldn’t have to watch her slowly suffer. Maybe the Prophets were sparing the better man?

“Did you happen to save any debris from that explosion?” Dr. Rica tried to keep them firmly rooted in reality.

“No. The bomb was cobbled together from all sorts of unfamiliar materials. We never found the agent that planted it. Even Luma vanished under mysterious circumstances.”

“I knew that was a long shot but I had to ask.”

“Is Skrain going to be alright?” Meru blurted.

“Who?” Dr. Rica knitted her eyebrows.

Dukat scowled and lifted the fingers of a hand to indicate himself. Meru was upset as he was. She didn’t mean to let his first name slip any more than he had meant for her surname to pour from his lips. They each knew it annoyed the other.

“Skrain will be just fine!” the doctor sounded less than enthused. “Cardassia Prime has an atmosphere and soil far more toxic than Bajor’s. Our species isn’t as fragile because we evolved to survive. We have ways to deal with carcinogenics, radiation and certain types of cancer. I’m sure your mate will grace us with his presence for a very long time to come.”

“Don’t mock me!” Dukat growled, losing his patience.

“Skrain!” Meru cried. “She is trying to help us!”

“She obviously can’t help us!”

“I can start treatments and project a span of life.”

Meru swallowed and Dukat kissed her hand. Both were stricken with terror.

“How long might I have, doctor?” Meru finally asked.

“Based on how nasty this appears to be, I’d say you have a year without treatment. I can buy you a year more but a facility with better staff might get you more hopeful results. It is entirely up to the two of you, or should I say, more likely to your Cardassian mate.”

Meru stopped breathing and Dukat quickly ordered, “Start treatments at once, doctor! Give her as much time as you possibly can until I can make better arrangements. I will take care of everything.”

“Meru, I know you are far from alright, but breathe!” Dr. Rica waved her hands at her patient to get her attention.

She obeyed, letting out a breath and slowly drawing in another sweet one. Both Cardassians smiled at her as though she were a child. She didn’t cry or moan. She was too in shock.

“Prefect Dukat, I would speak to you privately for a moment,” Dr. Rica surprised them with that request.

“Make it brief!” he groaned.

Meru was escorted back to their quarters. Dukat glared at the woman remaining with him. She returned the animosity but then remembered her manners. She handed the man in torment a glass of spring wine, tasting it for him first so that he knew it wasn’t tampered with. It was about time that he tasted of his evil karma, but Dr. Rica would have never asked for this. Like it or not, the two of them shared a bond through Meru. 

“What do you want?” he demanded. “And how did you know I prefer this over kanar?”

“I have my ways, Dukat, which I’d rather die than reveal to you!” she snickered. “I wanted Meru out of the room to tell you certain things she shouldn’t hear at the moment and to give you some advice. I pray that you take my words into consideration.”

“You pray, do you?”

“I have found religion. You ought to give it a try. I have heard that it can improve the disposition of men like you!”

“Speak your piece!”

“She’s going to die, Dukat!” Dr. Rica said bluntly. “I’m far from happy about it, but it’s the truth. It doesn’t take a master medical professional to see it! I don’t want you to allow her to suffer. Let me make her comfortable here and let her go! Please! For once think of her happiness instead of your selfish needs and desires.”

“I can’t let her go!”

“I was afraid you would say that. Isn’t it bad enough that you took her from her planet, her people, and her family? You know her baby Pohl died this morning? Have you told her yet?”

“I was trying to think of the best way to go about announcing it. The death of a child is hard on any parent. Meru is a soft woman. She is already ill. That sort of thing might ruin her chances to get better! And, by the way, how the hell do you know about that?” Dukat roared.

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you! Tell her and allow Meru to attend the funeral in disguise. Grant her time, directly or indirectly, with her family one last time before it all ends! Do it and allow me to euthanize her mercifully!”  
“I’ll never stand by while you murder my beloved!”

“Then give her the deadly dose yourself, Skrain! Take her to that beautiful place she painted on Bajor and put a bullet in her head! Lung cancer is a slow and horrible way to go! I watched a parent die in such a way so I know!”

“Calling me by my given name is Meru’s prerogative and not yours! You will never be allowed to treat her without me as a witness, you defective woman! I will grant her a last great gift of my choosing and then I’ll place her in the best care I can find far away from you! I will not lose her!”

“You will!” Dr. Rica hissed. “She never belonged to you to begin with, you damned viper!”

“I’d be more careful if I were you, Lenora!” Dukat said dangerously. “I know you aren’t to be trusted and you’re not as discreet as you think you are! I’ll have you hanged or imprisoned if you keep egging me!”

“I wonder what you could possibly do to me that hasn’t been already tried!” she shouted back. “Do you know what they put women like me through in those state-run conversion camps? It’s eerily similar to some of the things you might know that are going on to entire populations of Bajorans right now in a secret place called Gallitep!” 

“Best keep your mouth shut, Dr. Rica, about such things!”

Dukat stormed out of the room. As soon as he was gone, Dr. Rica burst into tears and prayed desperately to the Prophets for Meru’s body and pagh. She had no prayers for herself.


	10. Chapter 10

Dukat was generous enough to allow Kira Meru to attend her son’s funeral after all. She hadn’t stepped foot back on Bajor in nearly six years. She took her footwear off so she could feel her native soil on her skin in an attempt to absorb everything she had been missing like a flower sucking nutrients from the earth. She had several types of tracking devices on her person and was cloaked and hooded so that no one should recognize her, though she would certainly draw some suspicion. 

She did her best to blend in with the crowd of mourners. The Kira clan was well known and loved throughout Singha Camp and the village they had been moved to within its borders. She wanted to ignore her head and give in to her heart when she saw her family with her own naked eyes and not through someone else’s recording device. They were so near and yet out of her reach! It was a mix of sweet and sour emotions coursing through her. She wanted to take each of them in her arms and kiss them over and over but she feared the consequences. Dukat hadn’t made any threats but she knew better than to test his kindness.

Taban looked bone-tired and a husk of his former self. When Pohl went by in his coffin, Meru choked back a sob. Her baby was so skeletal and had never grown beyond the size of a toddler despite his age and all the effort. Nerys and Reon wept openly, clinging to each other as though their lives depended on it. At least they looked healthy for the most part. With the recent loss, a generous benefactor had not only paid for the expenses of the burial but he had provided food. The Kira family assumed it was a collected pool of donations from fellow Bajorans, but the truth was the majority came from Dukat and only a small pittances could be afforded by the Bajorans.

Fala led the mourners in prayers and hymns. There was a lookout to make sure no Cardassian was within range to put a stop to their worship and execute the monk on the spot. Nerys said some tearful words about her brother and led them all in her personal prayers. Meru was glad to see her strong spirituality reflected in her daughter but there was a spark of fire in her smoldering brown eyes she found disquieting. She noted that Reon refused to add his voice to the chants and kept his eyes open and contemptuous while the rest of the populace closed theirs. He seemed angrier than his older sister.

Meru kept her voice low and remained distant until the solemn ceremony was over. Everyone knew Kira Pohl’s death was long overdue but it was no less tragic whenever a child died. Neighbors and friends lingered to comfort the survivors. While they kept her family occupied, Meru was able to leave her favorite Bajoran lilacs resting upon her son’s grave. She also purposely dropped her Bajoran wedding bracelet nearby. That was the best she could do and she scuttled away to observe in safety.

A minute later she saw Taban stoop and pick something up. His face and manner dramatically transformed. He smiled and burst into joyful tears. He gazed wildly around, looking for his beloved wife. She had clearly been there! She hoped this act would give him the strength and will he needed to carry on for the sake of their living children. She would join their baby in the Celestial Temple very soon.

For months Dr. Rica gave her treatments on Terok Nor that proved fruitless. Her organs were becoming too stressed. Then without warning Dukat sent her away to Cardassia Prime. He had arranged for her to stay in one of the best private hospitals on the alien planet. Meru was terrified and resisted as much as she dared.

“Skrain, I want to die with dignity with the people I love, “she begged. “Do not send me away!”

“You will have me still,” he thought he was being reassuring. “I have made time to visit you as often as I can, my love. What would you be leaving behind here that you cannot take with you? Samples of your artwork?”

“Over the years, I have gotten to know your inner circle. Dr. Rica has done her best and is my friend! Can I at least say farewell to her before I leave?”

Dukat frowned, “You know I never liked that woman and she failed you. We must hurry. Your condition will worsen if we wait.”

Lenora, her best friend and lover, wasn’t given the chance for a proper goodbye. She was informed by another Bajoran only just in time to gaze on in distress as Dukat led Meru to a shuttle. There was no last night of tenderness or a last kiss as Dukat certainly got. Meru mouthed the words of her love and the Cardassian woman blew her a kiss. That was the last they saw of each other.

In her final weeks, Kira Meru spent far more hours asleep than awake. The staff was luckily entirely female including the nurses because they were so specialized and well-trained. Every time she opened her eyes and looked into the face of her latest care giver she liked to think it was Lenora. That made her time less miserable. They knew she was practically DOA but Dukat refused to listen to grim truth and remained optimistic. She was given aggressive treatments that left her body broken and fatigued. She was lonely and grieving. A part of her didn’t want to get better. 

Her final day, she opened her eyes and said, “Lenora?”

The stranger that didn’t seem to be a medical professional let out a laugh, “No, pretty Bajoran. She sent me here, but I am actually the wife of Prefect Dukat!”

Meru’s heart monitor started escalating for a terrifying moment and then quickly returned to normal as she said, “Then you must be here to kill me. Good!”

“I am here to do that, but not for the reasons you think. The manner of your death will depend upon the answers to some questions I have. Do not lie to me. No staff will dash in here to your rescue if you call for help. Dukat has his wily ways and so do I.”

“I don’t doubt that. He told me little enough about you but I know that much! I’m also very curious why you wouldn’t just let me suffer?”

“You may choose to believe me or not, but the truth is that I bear you no ill will, Kira, I believe it is?”

Meru nodded but she could hardly believe what she said.

“Bajoran girls are far more intelligent than they are given credit, aren’t they? Would you like some water? Do you need me to help you change positions? You must be bed sore.”

“I don’t feel much of anything anymore thanks to the doctors.”

Dukat’s wife had long silky dark hair that had a charming widow’s peak. Her gray eyes weren’t as cold and cruel as Meru had imagined. She was tall and athletic. She was more handsome than beautiful. She wondered if she was pregnant but Cardassian females didn’t show many telltale signs of their condition. They usually proudly displayed some sort of special article of clothing but she was unfamiliar with Cardassian customs of the sort. Not even Dukat liked to reveal such details to his Bajoran mistress. The Cardassians were secretive by nature.

“First there is the most urgent question: Are there hybrid children being hidden from me?”

“No,” Meru said with as much firmness as she could muster. “Dr. Rica sterilized me when the affair began.”

The Cardassian woman was visibly relieved, “Thank you! For that alone, you have earned my respect! I won’t torture you!”

“That’s wonderful news!” Meru was a little sarcastic.

“Did he force himself on you?”

“That’s very complicated,” Meru groaned. “The man took me from my family. He didn’t personally drag me away, but it was by his order and he selected me the moment he saw me in the lineup of women. There were times I convinced myself there was love between us but I’m not certain of it now.”

“I am truly sorry,” the other woman sounded sincere. “I understand. Sometimes I try to love him too. He has his moments. Did he make you call him by his ghastly first name?”

“Yes. Now may I ask why you don’t hate my guts?”

“I know my husband. I know of his uncontrollable fetish for the flesh of Bajoran girls. I am no fool and he is not nearly as clever as he thinks he is. We never promised to be faithful. He’s a Cardassian man with an above average sexual appetite, he’s away from home far longer than he is ever there, and he likes to think of himself as a hopeless romantic! He’d be hard pressed to prove my infidelity because I am more careful, but I keep my own company. As long as our children are actually his and I don’t publicly cuckold him, we’re content with our arrangement.”

“What a beautiful partnership!” Meru droned.

“Well you were cuckolding him with a Cardassian woman!” Dukat’s wife couldn’t help herself as she burst into peals of laughter. “I almost wish I could throw that in his face! I’d love to see it when it slowly dawns on him that his precious Bajoran mistress couldn’t possibly love him as much as he thought! He’s a childish dreamer that I can’t stand, prattling on about a boring sentimental subject and then circling every conversation back to himself! You are smiling! You must have experienced it yourself! I almost pity you!”

“Who are you?” Meru asked. “I always wanted to know more about you. I never wanted to rob you of your lover.”

“There’s no need to tell you. Just because we shared a man’s bed doesn’t mean I care to know you. I don’t mean to be harsh. Can you blame me?”

“Of course not.”

Despite what she had just said, Dukat’s wife told her, “I do have something in common with you. You are an icon painter, I hear. I am an architect on Cardassia, one of the best! That’s as close to pure art as you can get on this planet!”

“I wish I had time to appreciate your lifework. How has Dukat been with you lately? Has he ever bothered to tell you about me or Bajor?”

“No and I don’t ask. I don’t want to know. There are days I regret my decision to marry him, Kira. I look at my sons especially and wonder if they will follow in his footsteps. Will they take postings on Bajor and collect a harem of comfort women? Will they force themselves on defenseless women like you? I don’t like such thoughts. But killing you will benefit me. Dukat is depressed as hell knowing you are here and sick. He can’t even perform his marital duties and that pisses me off. No matter how much time he spent with you or any other, he always managed to keep me satisfied! They are my rights and I married to produce children. I haven’t been pregnant too long. I could divorce him for this, and I was about to do it, then Dr. Rica explained what was happening.”

“Could you tell me how Lenora was doing the last time you saw her?”

“She is dead, I’m afraid.”

“How?” Meru was devastated.

“Dukat had her charged with multiple crimes against the state of Cardassia. He had no further use for her. She had treated you already and as soon as her replacement was found and on the station, he arrested her and charged her. She was a homosexual and there was plenty of damning evidence of treasonous acts. She had no defense. In fact, she invoked your Prophets and accepted her fate.”

“Did she suffer?” Meru moaned.

“Not as much as she would have if Dukat had bothered to send her here for her sentence. Our mutual lover was too impatient to do that and have her tortured. She was hanged on the Promenade of Terok Nor.”

Meru had no energy for tears, “You said she sent you here?”

“Her final act was to send me a transmission explaining all about you. She begged me to put an end to your suffering. Dukat was talking about putting you into cryostasis. He will never let you go.”

Meru shuddered at the thought. She was weary down to her pagh. She hated the thought of being frozen on ice and waking to resume her days with that monster. That would be a nightmare. Would anything of Bajor be recognizable in the future? Would Taban and her children be alive? Death would be more certain and pleasant. She was prepared.

“Tell Dukat to take care of my children,” she declared. “It’s my dying wish. Let me dictate a letter?”

“Fine. Anything private you don’t want me to hear?”

“No. There is no point hiding anything from you. Please let me listen to the sacred hymns as I die. It is my hope that my baby Pohl will be in the Celestial Temple to greet me. Perhaps Lenora will be there too. She may be Cardassian, but she converted and aided my people. Surely the Prophets will accept her.”

“Believe whatever you want. I’ll make this painless. Goodbye, Kira.”


	11. Epilogue

Skrain,

I will be forever grateful to you for all that you did for me and my family. My days with you were not as terrible as I feared they would be. As the Prefect of Bajor, I heard terrible things before I met you. They said that you tortured women, that you sadistically slaughtered men, and that you dined on Bajoran children. Those things weren’t true. I hope the better side of you will shine through and that you prove your goodness. I hope that Bajor can be either free or an equal ally of Cardassia. I believe the Prophets have a plan and you must play some part in it. Please continue to look after Taban, Reon, and Nerys. There are only three Kiras in existence. It shouldn’t be a hard task. Nerys is the one that most concerns me. Don’t let harm come to her in any way. If you do that, I will look forward to seeing you in the Celestial Temple. Farewell.

Your Sweet Mistress Kira Meru

Dukat was deep in mourning weeks later as he read Meru’s letter for what must have been the thousandth time. He didn’t notice that she had carefully worded the letter so that she didn’t declare love but pressed him to continue to be a guardian to her family instead. She subtly asked him to be merciful, to listen to the Prophets, to make peace with Bajor. She made a show of gratitude but did not acknowledge his ownership of her. She mentioned seeing him in the Temple, but she didn’t point out the judgment she expected to witness. She was looking forward to reuniting with her Bajoran family and Dukat had never been part of it.

All that Dukat saw was what he wanted to see. His delusion that she had been in love was reconfirmed. He had been furious when he learned that the hospital had failed. He had no clue his wife was involved either. The doctors claimed Meru refused her treatments and died of her cancer. He paid to have her buried with splendor and took some small comfort in the arms of his wife. That was short lived. She took a blood test as soon as she was able and declared herself happily pregnant but no love blossomed.   
Part of him was sorely tempted to bring Kira Nerys to the station. It was only a matter of time before she escaped his reach and was recruited into the Resistance. He could save her from the clutches of another Cardassian man but he couldn’t protect her from guerrilla warfare. She’d certainly get herself killed. Imagine, Meru’s sweet little daughter a soldier in a losing war! He had nightmares about it. Meru would appear and scold him for not keeping his promise.

But Dukat recognized his powerful urges by now. Even with Meru he had been less than a gentleman and he could fully admit that. Nerys looked too much like her mother and with her death so fresh, he would use her to replace his former mistress. He would start out trying to be a father to her. She was only eleven and he would place her in her own room with dolls and childish things. A Bajoran girl born out of the ashes of the Occupation would find such toys an insult. She’d rage and hate him. He’d have to explain about his relationship with her mother and Nerys would hate her too!

However, at the first sign of the girl missing her father and brother, he would want to hold her. If her eyes watered with tears, he would wish to comfort her and bring her to cuddle in his bed so she wouldn’t be lonely. Women looked so vulnerable and beautiful when they cried. As she blossomed into womanhood, he’d want to touch and taste her in ways no father should ever do. He deserved to burn in every hell ever imagined if he did that and he didn’t even believe in such things!

Dukat had made an obsessive habit of watching all the collected footage Meru had kept of her family. He edited a personal copy for himself featuring chiefly the footage and images of Nerys from the time she was three up until the most recent. He didn’t intend to stop either despite the fact that Meru was gone. He had noticed her before, but his feelings had amplified. He knew Nerys as though she truly was his already and observing her became his favorite new hobby.

He watched her father bathe her. He saw her play spring ball with her brothers. He observed her eating habits. He admired her at prayer. He noted that she snuggled up to her father and brother especially since the loss of Pohl. She wrapped her arms around her brother’s and coiled her calves around one of her father’s legs between them. Sometimes she would wake shrieking from a night terror and Dukat wanted to board a shuttle and take her from her home right then and there! He almost made the order.

No, he decided quietly and firmly. It was best to leave Nerys where she was. If he ever came across her, he wanted her to be willing and free to come to his arms on her own. He wanted circumstances to be different with the next Kira if there ever was a next time.

He was brooding and wallowing in misery when a Bajoran woman approached him. She was no comfort woman. She was dressed in a worker’s ugly uniform but it couldn’t hide her beauty. She had been sent to work on Terok Nor as punishment for a laughably minor crime. She had sparkling blue eyes just like Meru’s but fine black hair with a widow’s peak more like his Cardassian wife’s. She was shy as a mouse but kept her eyes fixed on his.

“Sir,” she bowed to him but seemed awkward and not afraid. “I’m lost! Will you please help me? I am all alone on this station. It’s my very first day. I am supposed to go to some place called the ore processing station. I can give you my supervisor’s name unless you are him and this is the correct place? I’m a hard worker! I promise I won’t be trouble!”

“Relax, girl. You have no mate?” he was pleasantly surprised that any Bajoran woman would approach him first.

“No,” she blushed at that question and smiled at him with a luminous smile. “This isn’t really the place to find romance, is it?”

Dukat was finding himself already hopelessly intrigued because she seemed to be flirting with him, another unbelievable first, “What is your name, lovely girl?”

“My name is Torah Naprem.”


End file.
